Saturday, February 20, 2010

Management Gobbledygook

What is wrong with managers? Over at KT Cat's place, he has been lampooning all manner of management practice including Lean Six Sigma and corporate pronouncements on, well I can barely figure it out. Managers are forced to read a lot of theory and swill a lot of jargon to keep up with the latest fads imposed from above. But it baffles me that managers try to feed the same jargon to employees who frankly just want to do their jobs. I hope that he doesn't mind that I am lifting this video he made with xtranormal:

Almost everything discussed in that unintelligible video actually makes sense or does some good. But the managers who allowed that crap to get published make themselves appear to be fools. Why can't we managers talk like this:

"We use the Balanced Score Card (BSC) to make sure we don't forget ALL the ingredients of our success by too much focus on one area. We balance keeping our customer happy, keeping our costs under control, developing our people's talents, and improving the way we do our work, all of which will help us accomplish our mission."

"The network talent model means that our people need more than just technical skills, every employee also needs leadership, management and teamwork skills."

"Being a high performing organization means that we stay focused on the work that actually contributes to the products our customers want, and seeks to eliminate work that doesn't help achieve that end."

Now that wasn't so hard, was it?

1 comment:

  1. Hopefully, I'm missing the facetiousness of your argument. The Bdaddy humor is very dry.

    But…after you advised managers to "talk like this" I wondered if you just didn't translate into your own version of pointy-headed-ism.

    How’ about, "get on the program, we’re part of a team. Your job depends on our success!"

    Or maybe, "get your $^i! together or you're fired"

    I live in an industry where my engagement with monetary compensation is directly related to performance. Hey, I don't perform, no work! Performance is based on subject knowledge, customer service and timeliness for reports. Compensation is a direct result of my performance.

    Additionally, my intermediaries are dependant on my product to sustain their relationships. I could screw up a relationship far beyond that of my “employer” and me by poor representation. The negotiation for my compensation should be increased or decreased by my ability to bring more work to the table

    These people don't have to say, "you're fired", they just stop calling. No stress related work-comp, no harassment, no unemployment bennies, just… work.

    I realize this isn’t the world the pointy-heads live in. I live in a non-politically correct, pay as you go, live by your work-product environment. So when I see the video and know the employee wants to drive a pair of scissors through his eyeballs rather than listen to one more bit of intellectual administrative blather, I get it.

    Maybe I’m the one who doesn’t live in the real world anymore. But it seems a lot more real than the cajoling, politically correct nonsense I see in the business world reported today.